Love and Resentment: Navigating Marriage During the Newborn Stage

Bringing a new baby into the world is a life-changing experience that comes with immense joy, but it also brings unexpected challenges—especially in a marriage. As I adjusted to the demands of the newborn stage, I found myself feeling a surprising mix of emotions, including resentment toward my husband. Whether it was the unequal division of daytime/nighttime duties, differing parenting approaches, or just the overwhelming exhaustion, these feelings were hard to confront but important to work through. In this post, I’m sharing my honest experience with navigating these emotions and the steps we took to reconnect and grow stronger as a team during this intense season of life. First off, I want to express how unfair it is for the Father to get such a minimum amount of paternity leave. Luckily, my Husbands work gave him a week, but that was spent in the hospital. So, he took FMLA to spend more time with us. We also got really lucky because it fell around the time of the Thanksgiving holiday so he was able to have a few extra days as well. But, I still find it so insane that they have to go back to work so soon. Without my Husbands help those first couple of weeks, I would have been a wreck mentally, physically, and emotionally. Recovering from a C Section and taking care of a newborn is no easy task so we are so thankful for his extra time with us. But, with going back to work - we have had our challenges. He works 4 -10hr shifts a week. He is at work from 6AM-4:30PM. After that, he goes to the gym to carry on with his regular routine... and this is where the title of this post comes into play... The word "resentment" hit me. I felt so much resentment towards him for being able to continue with his normal routine of work, gym, shower. While I am home all day with our newborn feeding, pumping, changing diapers in such a repetitive way. While I love being home with her all the time, this is something that has become a challenge as I am not the "sit around" all day type of girl. I felt so angry that my Husband was able to do the things he did before without having to worry about our baby while at the same time I wanted him to have his regular schedule because that is all I wanted. I watched another Tik Tok of a first time Mom share these words that really hit how I felt internally as well. It read as followed: "Postpartum is so lonely. I can't leave anywhere without bringing the baby, I can't shower or clean myself up or have a decent meal until someone else is home, my body is so gross, my nipples hurt, my hair is falling out. I'm recovering from a C Section while trying to keep myself, my house, my relationship together and living in survival mode with a newborn. I cry for absolutely no reason, dwelling on the life I had before but loving my new journey, anxious over everything with my baby, wanting freedom and regretting not taking advantage of that before having a baby." It was put so well into words, that I even had my Husband read it so he knew how I felt to a T. He then could kind of understand where I was coming from. We are really good about communicating our feelings, and he's a great listener. After reading that he even responded with, "Sadly, there are only a few things on that list that I can even help you with and for that I feel horrible." Which, is true. This is truly the new life as a Mother and while I LOVE being a Mom - it comes with its challenges that soon will pass. I am writing this to let you know that it is normal to have these feelings but also really important to communicate them to your partner because they can't read your mind and you need to talk these feelings out loud to help you overcome them! Some things I have been doing to help these feelings is taking time for myself without feeling guilty. Taking that shower (and taking my time) while my Husband handles nighttime duties. Having my Husband get up with me at night to feed her while I pump. Making sure I eat when she is sleeping (even if I am not hungry) and then just simply asking to take a break whether that means getting stuff done around the house or going on short hour trips by myself. This phase will come and go and I am just trying to learn to enjoy it because I know I will miss it after it's over.